scientists have discovered a new element unknown to man - Bureaucratium

[completerookie]

Scientists have discovered the heaviest element known to science

This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Bureaucratium (initials = Bm).

This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and 11 assistant vice-neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, and are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since it has no electrons, Bureaucratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Bureaucratium causes one reaction to take more than four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Bureaucratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. In fact, a Bureaucratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganisation some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that bureaucratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the Critical Morass

[Mike Hughes]

I'm glad they've finally identified it.

My own experience suggests that any attempt to eliminate or disperse moronic activity leads to observable phenomena consistent with the presence of Bureaucratium.

Like most inert matter, I suspect Bureaucratium is inherently stable. I've certainly never noticed any observable change from heat, pressure or even time.

While I suspect it may prove a futile effort. I would urge the scientists to continue their research into whether there is any way to contain or eliminate Bureaucratium. Potentially through the use of ant-matter. I know it has been the subject of much debate whether there really is such a thing as anti-morons or whether moronic activity itself is the result of excess concentrations of dark matter eliminating all other forms of energy.

Mke

[completerookie]

should we wait until thursday and see if someone has found a cure for partial Bureaucratium

[Duncan Rounding]

Here's a few other recently added elements:

Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very
white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements
that come in contact with it. Repels protons and
electrons; attracts only morons.

Innofensium Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,
quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.

Budweisium Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.

Cabmium Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion
and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you
do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The
charge is variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for
calculating it.

Politicium Po
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach
lethal concentrations in the House. Can never be found in a solution.

Snot Sn
Bonds forever with corduroy.

[Mike Hughes]

should we wait until thursday and see if someone has found a cure for partial Bureaucratium

Governments may change but the wheels of Bureaucratium will go round (and round and round and round and round and round) as always.

Besides, the Polls all suggest a hung parliament which would seem unlikely to lead to a more decisive less bureaucratic system.

Mike

[Steve G Griggs]

Hung parliament...now there's an idea, maybe they should be.

[Mike Hughes]

Ah, yes. I can see it now.

Gordon Brown shuffles into Buckingham Palace and says "Your Majesty. I've come to ask for premission to form a government in parliament." and Queenie replies "No. You're all a complete shambles. I'm going to have you all stripped naked and marched to the Tower where you'll all be hung at dawn. I'll run the country myself with Philip."

Where's Spitting Image when you need them?

Mike

[pnagames]

Scientists have discovered the heaviest element known to science

This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Bureaucratium (initials = Bm).

This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and 11 assistant vice-neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, and are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since it has no electrons, Bureaucratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Bureaucratium causes one reaction to take more than four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Bureaucratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. In fact, a Bureaucratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganisation some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that bureaucratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the Critical Morass

i am pretty sure this identification is extremelly late

this element is known to the greek scientific community for the last 20 years (they have kept it secret)