Joke thread.

[leehack]

'I'm whale-like cattle' with my middle name - think i'll complain to the mods about this post, i'm quite hurt by that.

[TraceyHand]

'I'm whale-like cattle' with my middle name - think i'll complain to the mods about this post, i'm quite hurt by that.

*sniggers at the "whale"*

[Donna]

Do you realise that Tony Blair anagrams to Tory in Lab...that's too weird!

[leehack]

And Albert Einstein is 'ten elite brains' - thats even stranger.

[Donna]

'leonardo da vinci' ...'Vindaloo and rice.'

or even better..........

'David Robert Joseph Beckham'
anagrams to
'Chart bimbo Posh jerked Dave.'

[brian.mc]

I'm 'Crack mimic born.'
but if I include my middle name its 'Man! I'm cosmic jerk crab.', which I suppose is appropriate as I'm a Cancerian!

[Jan]

I'm 'Jeans 'n' stars.' or for my full name 'Nonsense! Majestic anniversary'. :-)

[Duncan Rounding]

I'm 'Jeans 'n' stars.' or for my full name 'Nonsense! Majestic anniversary'. :-)

Puzzle of the day now Jan. We're all trying to reverse engineer your anagram!

[gabrielcrowe]

this image always reminds me of software i'v seen over the years.

http://richardwhitehead.com/img/miracle.jpg

[gabrielcrowe]

jan, your name is also an anagram of

'Satanic vermin enjoys nearness'

not, that i'm saying you're satanic, or a vermin, you understand, but is merely an anagram.

and also:

'Insane jester roams nanny vices'

which i feel can only be a reference to a perverted court appointed humorist perousing older ladies.

[Jan]

I wonder if a Mole could be considered vermin - if so, I like that one better.

Regards,

[TraceyHand]

I wonder if a Mole could be considered vermin

They definitely are in our garden!

[fergusw]

this image always reminds me of software i'v seen over the years.

http://richardwhitehead.com/img/miracle.jpg

Now that made me laugh.


I'm "Grew Furies" - which also made me laugh in an Actinic V8 upgrade kinda way!

[Legends]

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the Bike, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Moral to this story : Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.

Cheers

[Donna]

Are Computers Men or Women?

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because

• No one but their creator understands their internal logic
• The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
• Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
• As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheque on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because:

• In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
• They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
• They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
• As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.