Joke thread.

[Duncan Rounding]

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the
elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by
saying, "T-G-I-F"? (letters only).

He smiled at her and replied,"S-H-I-T" (letters only)."

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and
said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled "S-H-I-T."

The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,
"T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

[Duncan Rounding]

And another classic:
Q: If you're an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
A: European!

[Darren B]

On of my little boys favorites

"What Do You Call A Dinosuar With Only One Eye"

















Ready








"Do-You-Think-He-Saw-Us"

[pixelhaus]

What's red and invisible ?



No tomatoes!



My very favourite stupid joke :-)

[leehack]

I PMSL at this one, client just sent it me - funniest i've heard in quite sometime.

This bloke was very lonely and he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy
an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which
Came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home,
found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking
his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he
Waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the
bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his
new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the
situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face
up against the centipede's house and Shouting,
"Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!!















A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my Fu***ng shoes on !!

[pinbrook]

Now i know no-one ever reads my posts......

POST #6

[Legends]

Great original joke Lee - suprised no one else came up with that

[TraceyHand]

Now i know no-one ever reads my posts......

POST #6

LOL
You know, I read that joke and though "funny, but I've heard that before"
I just hadn't realised it was here!

Oh dear, Lee. You could be in trouble now

[leehack]

FFS my memory is so bad. Sorry Jo.

[pixelhaus]

I think Aricept should be made available to Actinic designers before our minds all turn to goo lol

[Darren B]

Now i know no-one ever reads my posts......

what post,who's Jo i know Jan not sure about Jo though

[Paul Bulpit]

& I heard it ten years ago - sorry Lee you lead a sheltered life.

It's a job to find a clean & original one though - and I do find it notable that the level of banter varies according to which forums one frequents.


John M had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the
stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from
humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so, of almost total isolation, someone knocks on
his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Lee, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a
Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5pm"

"Great", says John, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some
local folks. Thank you."

As Lee is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says John. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink
with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna
be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there,
thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says John, warming to the idea. "I've
been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way,
what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."







Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

[jont]

FFS my memory is so bad. Sorry Jo.

Spamming the forum with duplicate posts! C'mon Lee.. you are meant to be setting an example on the forum. Please use the search facility before posting.

[george]

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.

He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest,
biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her
in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused,
because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk
leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is
good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad
but the biker still says nothing .

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something
else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him
square in the eyes and says.................


"Grandad,....... go home, you're drunk"

[george]

Today, I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee,
grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "I know, can you believe my husband is out golfing
in that sh*t."