Joke thread.

[Dragon Slayer]

Seven dwarfs went to meet the Pope.
Go on Dopey, 'Ask' chanted the other six.
'OK' said Dopey. 'Sir, are there nuns in Alaska ?'
'Yes, there are' reponds the Pope.
'Go on Dopey, ask him' urged the other six.
'OK said Dopey'. 'Sir, are there black nuns in Alaska ?'
'Yes there are' replied the Pope.
'Go on Dopey, ask him'.
Dopey blushed and said ' Are there midget nuns in Alaska ?'
'No, I don't think so' said the Pope.

At this all six leapt about shouting 'Dopey sh***ed a penguin, Dopey sh***ed a penguin'.

[george]

"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked my good friend Seamus O'Murphy
the well known Irishman, walking up to the counter.

The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"

"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?"
demanded this Irishman indignantly. "Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would
you ask me if I was German?"

Then, warming to his theme, he went on: "Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot
dog,
would you ask me if I was Jewish?" "Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you
ask me if I was Mexican? ! Would Ya? Would Ya?"

The assistant said: "Well, no."

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman steps it up a
gear. "And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was French?"
"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"

"Well no, I probably wouldn't" conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says: "Well, all
right then, Why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish
sausages?"

The assistant replied: "Because you're in f***ing Homebase"

[Duncan Rounding]

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children
you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:

"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really
think they look alike, you dickhead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't
believe anyone Would shag you twice!"

[Darren B]

No need for pessimism. The support team and development team get together weekly to discuss stuff that happens on this board and on phone support.

It's going to be a long meeting this week then, with the joke thread, story thread and of course georges acronym thread

[leehack]

100 years ago, 20 guys chasing a black man was called the Klu Klux Klan, nowadays it's called Formula One.

Go Lewis, Go Lewis - pass a hankie to the Spaniard bratt as you pass him again.

[jont]

The support team and development team get together weekly to discuss stuff that happens on this board and on phone support.

The direct line for the team whilst in meeting can be by Googling http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en...e+Search&meta=

[cdicken]

Oh dear, there go's a link with support and development,

No need for pessimism. The support team and development team get together weekly to discuss stuff that happens on this board and on phone support. It isn't just me rushing around being helpful trying to make sure everyone gets along (although I do do a fair amount of that...)

[Darren B]

Anyhoo - you'll see less of me over the next few months as I am doing less up front support at the moment and more tecchie stuff (crossing to the dark side etc. etc.) I will still be popping in when I can though.

Or was this CD's joke???????

[Darren B]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, poor Bruce. Good luck Anakin, see you on a far away galaxy - V9.

Oh dear, there go's a link with support and development, forgive me for being pessimistic but it does not make me feel good

[leehack]

Anyhoo - you'll see less of me over the next few months as I am doing less up front support at the moment and more tecchie stuff (crossing to the dark side etc. etc.) I will still be popping in when I can though.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, poor Bruce. Good luck Anakin, see you on a far away galaxy - V9.

[cdicken]

Has CD been on his jollies? Not seen him around much of late!

Yep - had a week climbing mountains in Snowdonia. Well, I say 'mountains' - it was more like 'mountain' and the rest of the time was spent with my family and in pubs.

Anyhoo - you'll see less of me over the next few months as I am doing less up front support at the moment and more tecchie stuff (crossing to the dark side etc. etc.) I will still be popping in when I can though.

[leehack]

Yeah he's back now though.

[jont]

Has CD been on his jollies? Not seen him around much of late!

[leehack]

Please use the search facility before posting.

That was good, nice one. We now have Bruce with us, just CD to go.

[george]

Today, I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee,
grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "I know, can you believe my husband is out golfing
in that sh*t."